Following the Spiritual path while leading family life

Sadguru Digambardas Maharaj was trying to entrust me with a number of responsibilities, which made me introspective; but Maharaj was not backing off trying test my ensdurance. The most difficult test I had to encounter was in the year 1988.

Nana, my father had never gone to stay with anybody in a long time. But in 1988, he went to visit his younger brothers, Vasant and Prabhakar in their newly built house in Chiplun. During that visit, his health suddenly deteriorated and kept worsening more and more. I received 4-5 lightening calls from Prabhakar uncle and Vasant uncle. During those days, there was no telephone service network like today nor were there any S.T.D arrangements. Therefore, usually people would use the service of ëtrunk callí duirng emergencies. But a lightening call meant extremely urgent matter!

I was getting lightening calls one after another but I could not take any decision. On one side the health of my Sadguru was very delicate and far away in Chiplun, the one who game me birth, my own father was fighting with death. Even though my father was staying with his younger brother, he was probably looking forward for me (his only son) to be present there and handle everything. My mother may also be feeling helpless because of her sonís absence in a situation like that. When time comes, my uncles may not be in a position to take some important decisions and it was expected of me as his son to complete my duties towards him. So after a lot of contemplation, I finally went to my Sadguru, who was resting on his bed and said, “Nana is seriously ill at Chiplun. I need to leave for Chiplun immediately. Should I go?” But Digambardas Maharaj immediately replied, “Nana will still be alive for another year and a half! So there is no need for you to go in person. Who will look after me if you leave?” At that, I said, “Okay, I will not go!” and as promised I did not go to Chiplun. I had full faith in my Sadguru and his words. I was assured that his words will not go wrong and that Nana would be completely cured soon. In fact, I felt that probably by stopping me from going, Maharaj had taken all the responsibilties in his competent hand. So, there was no need for me to worry about Nanaís health; my Sadguru would take care of everything! But how can my relatives or my parents agree with these decisions I took? They were sure that I had completely broken off any ties with all of them. When Nana started feeling better, my mother had come to visit her sister in Satara. From there, she came to Pune. When I asked the reason for her visit, she retorted, “I came here to ask you where we should be staying from now on?” Surprised, I asked, “What do you mean ëWhereí? You should stay in our house at Mumbai, where else!” She replied, “Your Nana was so sick and even then you did not come to visit him even once. Neither did you call us after that and come to see how we are doing!” At that point I explained to her, “Our Maharaj did not send me there; in that case how could I come? Even though everyone feels that I have cut off all ties with you all, it is definitely not the case!” I was not sure to what extent she believed me nor was I sure how much they all understood my situation. But in their minds, they all were cold towards me after this.

Samarth Ramdas Swamiji has stated:

|| To feel closer to God ||

|| One should stay away from their own relatives ||

|| Offer everything to God ||

|| And finally lay down your life too ||

About 2 Ω months later Nanaís health improved extensively and he was able to travel a bit. I then arranged for his travel to Mumbai through Shyamrao Tikekar who took him in his car to Mumbai.

Nana stayed in our house at Mumbai for nearly 18-21 months after that. Once when I was visiting them in mumbai, around mid-night, Nana had problems deep-breathing and tried to catch his breath with open mouth. When I asked if he was feeling uneasy, he just nodded to say yes! Throughout his life, Nana was an abundant smoker. Hence there was a shortage of oxygen supply in his lungs. I told him to eat half a ëbhakrií (flat bread made from jowar) along with some greed vegetables so as to reduce his breathing troubles.

My son and my wife, both did not let my absence felt at home. They regularly took Nana for his checkups, ECG, blood pressure and then arranged for his medicines and treatments; they managed all of this efficiently with care. My wife also took care of my mother, in a respectful manner. Kamlesh always reminded Nana, “From now on you donít need to go the barber”. He then arranged for a barber to come home for Nana. He even cut Nanaís nails (even his toe nails)! They had both managed my mothers sugar tests and provided medicines regularly as required. My daughter, Deepti is really bold. Whenever Kamlesh was in Pune with his mother attending festivals, Deepti managed her own school work and yet skillfully handled responsibility of her grandparents. If need be, she called the doctor and tactfully managed everything on her own. She made sure there was no need to call us in Pune. Certainly, it is the primary duty of all in the family to respect and serve the elders in the house so there is no need to mention it discretely. But it is important to note about my wife in this case and appreciate the efforts she took. The relationship between my parents and my wife was not too great. Sometime people unnecessarily let prejudice spoil relations with each other and there is no science to find a clear reason for any of that. Hence there is always some bitterness in their behaviour. Likewise, something similar had taken place in our house too and because of that my wife had to unnecessarily endure some difficulties. If we observe her behaviour keeping in mind the entire background, it is certainly admirable.

Some of my wives relatives had discontinued their relations with her. Naturally my Sadguru had already accepted her as his daughter and maybe because of that, she was beyond the point of joy and sorrow.

Nana passed away on 9th March 1990; it was ëTrayodashií day (the thirteenth day of a lunar fortnight). But something strange had occurred before this happened. On the day of ëSaptamií (the seventh lunar day in a fortnight), Nana was in a serious condition. I informed Walawalkarsaheb on phone. Walawalkarsaheb, Tikekar, Prasad Tendolkar, and 10-15 others quickly gathered there. I did not feel appropriate that Nana will pass away on the day of ëSaptamií. He belonged to the ëNathpanthí (sect that belonged to Saint Dnyaneshwar). Everyone from that sect had selected the ëTrayodashií (13th day of a lunar fortnight) for their ëSalvationí, liberation from all bonds of life and death. So I started to pray in desperation to my Sadguru and requested, “You had initiated Nana into the Nathpanth. Now you need to arrange for a good day for his salvation”. By then the doctors had already made the death certificate for Nana. The doctor had asked us to take the dead body after paying the bills. All this time, I was pleading to Sadguru Digambardas maharaj, who responded with a favour in blessing! The machines connected to Nanaís body suddenly started showing heartbeats and bloodpressure. Nana started breathing again. Exactly 6 days after that, on the 13th day (Trayodashi), Nana took his last breath. Once again, all the paperwork was re-done for Nana and therefore, there are two death notes in this case. There is a mention of two death times along with the final bill prepared twice; these papers are still available at the Sanghavi Hospital for anyone interested to see them.

Nana lived a very successful life. He had served in many respectable positions with the Government. Whatever positions he worked at, he had taken precautions to ensure that the prestige of those positions would not be compensated. By maintaining his honour and dignity, he had successfully completed his career in Government. When necessary, he did rise for self-respect and principles, and did not look back even if he had to challenge his seniors.

Fulfilling all his worldly responsibilities, he made the life of a common householder more meaningful! He helped the relatives same way as he helped other needy people too. While helping, he never differentiated because of the status of the people, whether they were his own or strangers. He had no expectations in his heart even for a simple thankyou from anyone. Even though he continued living in this worldly life, he had abstained himself from everything!

Nana had a clean and clear heart. He never thought ill of anybody, nor harmed anybody. So like the saint Tukaram, he always wrote good reports on people who worked under him. Some people, whose records were bad, would purposely take a posting under Nana and clear their records; this enabled them to apply for promotions. In this manner, many people had reached higher postions due to Nanaís reports. But because Nana was not the kind of person who would bow down infront of his seniors just for a promotion, he never moved up beyond the position of Mamlatdarí!

Due to the religious merits of Nana, I was blessed with the company of several spiritual entities from childhood right at home. Because of Nana, I was also acquainted with scholars in Marathi as well as English literature. In difficult moments of my life, Nanaís life became an inspiration to stand firmly and fight for what is right. He also appreciated me and supported me in proper time. But when I made a mistake he did not backout to reprimand me either!

Nana had unique loyalty towards his Sadguru! Because of this loyalty, his life became very happy. Spiritual worship, meditation, company of spiritual entities, reading religious books was actually his real life and his real interest. But he fulfilled all his household duties with great care and accomplished his own spiritual interests on the side.

Nana had reached such a height of spiritual success that one had to held his head high even to look at him. When we were in Kankavli, one afternoon after the meals, Nana, my mother and I were chit-chatting in the doorway. Nana was leaning against the door-frame and I was seated just at the feet outside the threshold. My mother was sitting near too. A dog entered our courtyard and came up to the front of the door, wagging his tail. Nana probably felt that the wandering dog was like a hungry beggar who came to our door! So Nana told my mother, “If you have some left over bread, feed it to this dog.”

My mother brought a small piece of bread from the kitchen and put it infront of the dog in the courtyard. The dog ate it almost immediately. But Nana became disturbed, he told mother, “Never put food on the ground for anybody to eat. It would have been better if you had put it in a plate or a banana leaf. How would you personally feel if someone serves you food in this manner? The dog, cat or even the crows/sparrows, are all part of Godís spirit, is it not?” Nana did not stop at that! He went in and brought an aluminium plate from the market. This plate was then used for any dog, cat or birds. This happened sometime in the year 1957-58. I was about 13-14 years old then but the Nanaís sensitivity created a deep impact on my mind. Even today after so many years, while thinking about Nana, I feel that this incident in Nanaís life is like the ëTulsií incident from the epic of Mahabharata. When they tried to weigh Lord Krishna with gold and silver, his weight was completed only when Rukhmini placed a simple ëTulsi leafí (holy basil) to balance his weight.

My mother accompanied my father in all aspects of life. She was a very simple woman and not manipulative in any aspect of life. She performed her duty as a housewife very nicely. Most of Nanaís job was in small towns across the Konkan region. There were constant visitors to our home. Even if a malaria inspector came to the door for the purpose of registration, he was invited for tea as per traditions in my family. If someone arrived just in time of dinner or lunch, then Nana would advise my mom from outside itself and tell her in a loud voice, “Please arrange one more place for the guest along with mine” Even if the postman arrived, he would be greeted with tea!

Back in those days, there were no stoves or gas lines; therefore, all the cooking was done on hearths. The hearth had to be ignited everytime even if we had to make tea! On top of this, mother had to deal with Nanaís persistent demands such as, “Is the tea ready or not? Should I order it from the hotel? or “Madam, you will also be serving this gentleman for dinner, would you not?” etc.

My motherís life was pretty hectic with us children, our schools, early morning rush for Nanaís office, filling up water for use from the nearly well, no electricity in the house, igniting the hearth everytime when preparing food/tea/snacks etc. Those days, the infrastructure was not as good as today, so there were very few vegetables available in the market. So our plates were usually decked up with potatoes and pulses! The only vegetables available regularly back then were, Bhindií (okra), Padwalí (snakegourd), Dodkaí (Chinese okra), Mulaí (radish), Lalmathí (green leafy vegetable similar to swiss chard).

The backyard ëAlooí (colacasia/taro leaf/patra), was certainly prepared atleast once in a week. For snacks, we used to have sweet or spicy ëShiraí and ëPoheí (seasoned rice-flakes). Then, for Diwali as well as marriage ceremonies and sacred thread ceremonies, snacks such as ëChaklií, ëkadbolií, ëladooí etc were prepared. The sweet balls made out of ëBundií were never prepared in the house; a special cook was invited to do that. The same was also in the case of making ëJilebií. There were many other hom-made delicious dishes such as , ëShrikhandí ëPuranpolií, ëKhandavií, ëModakí, ëKheer-purií, ëPatoleí, ëSakhar-bhatí, ëGhavaní etc. These were all special dishes of Maharashtra. In those days, the goodies such as ëGulab Jamí or ëParatheífrom the north of India, or íIdli – Dosaí from the south had not yet entered the kitchen.

My mother never lagged behind in any task. She personally grounded the grains to make the flour for ëThalipeethí, or ëChaklií etc. She herself prepared all chutneys and pickles at home such as ëDangarí, ëMetkootí. Taking care of all the activities, she still managed to make provisions of ëPapadí, ëChikvadyaí, ëSaandgeí etc for the whole year! At the same time, she was not behind in any manner for making pickles, spices etc at home. My mothersí cooking was definitely tasty. Whenever Nana became whimsical, he used to ask my mother to make ëPanagií. She would then soak wheat flour in milk and spread a thick layer on turmeric or banana leaf; then bake it on a special griddle before finally roasting it on the hearth to make it crispy. Only she had the rights in the kitchen. Nana did not pay too much attention in her matters. She lived like Nanaís shadow similar to other old-fashioned ladies. Her behaviour was in conjunction with Nana!

My motherís health was also very good. As far as I remember, she never really fell sick too much. But on 20th January, 2002, she had a massive heart-attack. She was visiting the Pune temple to attend the ëPanchayatan Yagí (sacrificial offerings to five deities – Shiv, Vishnu, Sun, Ganesh and Durga). She was then admitted to ëRatnaí hospital for treatment for 2-4 days; her condition was very very critical. On the day of ëPoornahutií the final closing offering made to the deities, she suffered another attack. I finished all the formalities at the temple and immediately went to the hospital. Famous Cardiologist, Dr. Achyut Joshi, Dr. Talwalkar and Dr.Patki were present for her treatment. They successfully recovered her and then her health improved drastically. She stayed in Pune after this with her youngest daughter Sulabha for 3-4 months and then in Kolhapur with her elder daughter Suman, for 2-3 months; she returned home at Mumbai after that.

In Mumbai, she was fine for the first 2-3 days, but then she fell in the washroom. She was alone at that time, so she raised her voice and called for help. Luckily a neighbour, Vijay Samat who stayed across from our house heard her and ran for her help. He called 3-4 watchmen for help and they put her on a chair before taking her to the nearby clinic. As soon as I got the call, I left for mumbai immediately. The news had already spread and there was a huge rush of people coming to visit her. As the number of visitors increased, I asked my wife to stay and take care of everything at home while I stayed at the clinic to look after everything there. People from distant places were coming to visit my mother. How can we let them leave without offering atleast tea, snacks or meals? Finally, I arranged for a cook in my house. There used to be atleast 50-60 people at a time for taking meals in my house. Besides, tea was being served continuously. It was not financially possible for me to make arrangements for all these people to stay in a hotel. We arranged for one vehicle to take people to the clinic and bring them back.

My mother was released from the clinic after 8 – 10 days. They prescribed atleast 15-16 types of medicines for her. I summoned Dr. Achut Joshi in Pune and told him that so many medicines at her age of 83-84 years is like troubling her. So he continued 6 medicines and stopped all other prescriptions. He also advised us to shift her away from a polluted place like Mumbai. In fact, I was asking her to stay in Pune. Finally as per her wish, she was shifted to Dervan. In Dervan, Dr. Banavli, Dr.Sudhir Joshi, Dr. Nadkarni, Dr. Thatte and all the doctors took great care of her health by frequently examining her. In this respect, I would certainly like to express my deepest gratitude towards Dr. Suvarna Patil and Dr.Netaji Patil for their extreme sense of duty and affection towards my mother!

Similarly, there was invaluable cooperation from nurse, Arati Jadhav, Anuradha Rajeshirke and Chetan Shinde. Smt. Nani Jadhav and Smt. Aparna Kondkar stayed with her for 4-6 months. Smt. Malutai Walawalkar stayed there for 1 Ω years to give her company. Prasad Tendulkar visited her willfully atleast once in a month. I cannot even express all the service given to my mother by Madhavrao Kajarekar. I stayed there too for 15-20 days in a month and met her every morning and evening; I sat and chit-chatted with her regularly. Finally, on 15th February 2005, around 10:40pm she took her last breath. She did not fall short of anything in her life; her whole life was successful. She bid farewell to this world with great satisfaction.

A few days prior to her departure from this world, we pompously celebrated the function of her witnessing her great grandson Sumedh. She showered him with gold flowers; all the relatives had come for this function and visited her. From her view point, this was a matter of great satisfaction in life that she never had to bear the pangs of seperation of any of her younger relatives. She left this world in an extremely properous condition without any unfulfilled wishes left behind!

After my motherís departure from this world, we all the family members including myself, my wife, son, daughter-in-law and grandson went to Ratnagiri to visit Vamanrao Joshi (nephew of Shree Digambardas Maharaj).

Vamanrao Joshiís mother and our Nana were childhood friends. They lived in the same house and always played together. The both attended the same school. His motherís maiden name was Manu Patwardhan. The upper floor in the house where both the Patwardhan and Joshi family lived as tenants together was usually utilized for sleeping at night. Nana always talked about Vamanraoís mother with great admiration. He used to tell us that she was a well-disciplined, neat and tidy girl. She made the bed so neatly that not a single fold could be seen anywhere. Her work used to be very clean, good-looking and orderly. The relationship between the family of Sadguru Shree Digambardas Maharaj and our family existed since many generations. Divine grace had been conferred by Maharaj on the six generations of our family, including my great-grandmother (the mother of Keshav Mahadev); my grandfather, Keshav Mahadev; my father Raghunathrao; myself Ashok, my son Kamlesh and my grandson Sumedh. Important to note that he made every new generation better than the previous generations.

All of this is not easy to grasp, imagine, attain! But it is true that Sadguru Shree Digambardas Maharaj had become the ëSadguru Soyiraí not just for me, but for all our six generations. I told Vamanrao that we should enhance this relationship by visiting each other more often!